Saturday, May 19, 2007

Dear Jason Giambi

Dear Jason,

Thank you for your wonderful insight into the politics of sports and medicine, or rather the use of performance-enhancing drugs...or your use of performance enhancing drugs.

Although publicly you denied being a steroid user, you subsequently testified to the grand jury that you were a drug abuser. Not only did you betray the trust of your admirers and baseball fans by using steroids, you forfeited whatever credibility you had by lying about it.

You tell us that steroids never helped you in baseball. Your first three full seasons (502 plate appearances) you averaged 22 home runs. Your peak season you hit almost twice as many. That's at odds with historical baseball performance, quite different from the likes of the Mantles, Mays, and Aarons. But evidently, there was something different about you and many of your peers. Mantle hit 37 in his third full season (peak 54), Mays hit 41 homers in his third full season (peak 52), Aaron 41 in his third full season (peak 45).

But you always were a big, rawboned lad. Right? Not exactly.
You tell Major League Baseball that the sport was wrong for players abusing steroids. That's a bit like Willie Sutton that banks should apologize for having bank robberies. Speaking of 'where the money is', didn't you sign a seven year, 120 million dollar contract based on performance that you achieved while using steroids?
And why not you handsome devil? What parent wouldn't want their child to grow up to be a rich, spoiled, admitted drug abusing, liar? Aren't you the poster child for that?

Yes, we're all envious of your fabulous hand-eye coordination, manliness, and fat bank account. We're just disgusted not by your cheating, do anything, say anything persona but just by your abject lack of judgment to simply remain silent.

I don't know if you ever said you were a role model. Yes, you are, a model of 'how not to be a professional'. But don't worry, no child would ever want to be like you, a Yankee, admired by many, and so articulate - almost statesmanlike.

We know that the pair of homers off Pedro Martinez in the 2003 ALCS had NOTHING to do with steroids, and EVERYTHING to do with you simply being your fabulous self.

In closing, I acknowledge that nothing is cheaper than free advice, but maybe you could get yourself a course in media relations, or a spokesperson, or just a muzzle.

Yours truly,


1 comment:

Anonymous said...


I would never want to muzzle a loser like the "Giambino". Let him keep talking so we can all witness his self-destruction.