Wednesday, December 21, 2005

WWJDD (Where would Johnny Damon Defect)

Johnny Quest's journey is complete as he lands in Gotham for Megabucks, another mercenary looking for a star in front of Chinese theaters.

Characterizing Damon's choice as purely that of a gold digger or miscreant trivializes the process. According to reports, Damon got an extra 12 million bucks, not bad for a player at an age where skills traditionally atrophy, plagued by minor injuries, and who throws 'like a girl' (no insult meant to my daughters).

If we could magically get 'bubble quotes' those little quotes over the head in a bubble, what would the principals say?

George Steinbrenner: "Bleep you, Larry."

Larry Lucchino: "Excedrin with my coffee, Jed and Ben."

John Henry: "We made decisions through careful financial evaluation and trend analysis, same as we would do in any of our businesses. We wish Mr. Damon well in his future endeavors."

Manny Ramirez: "Johnny who?"

Terry Francona: "We have to worry about the guys who are here, not the guys who aren't. We'll all miss JD."

Kevin Millar: "Drinks on the house."

Damon's mother: "If he didn't take the money, I'd slap that boy upside the head. I didn't raise a fool for a son."

Curt Schilling: "If they don't like it, hit them with your wallet, Johnny."

Scott Boras: "A lot easier than working for a living. Writing best sellers for thirty something ballplayers never paid so well."

Johnny Damon: "Yahoo, yippee. Shave my beard? What? Cut my hair? What? Scott, you said that you had that clause in the contract."

If anybody wants to pay me an extra 12 million bucks for the next four years, you know where to find me. Scott, Scott, Scott...help!

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