Monday, December 26, 2005

I'm Sorry, So Sorry

(BOSTON) Angry Larry Lucchino supporters surrounded the home of insignificant physician, Ron Sen, waving placards "Chill Out, Jerk" and "Sox to Rule Again Soon"

Aerial photograph of crowd protesting Anti-Lucchino journalism (click photo to enlarge)


Okay, I'm sorry. Mr. Lucchino, please forgive me, and for gawd's sake, call off the dogs. It's tough enough to get into my driveway between the ice and snow, without 50,000 Larryphiles obstructing my 1995 Nissan. Okay, I'll never question your judgement about tossing that pipsqueak ingrate out, or consolidating your rule by installing underlings, and yes, I accept the fact that even with the inherent fairness of a virtual waiting room, that I'll never live long enough to sit in the Green Monster seats.

Mea culpa, mea culpa, mea culpa. Yessiree, I've done you wrong. After all, I have nothing but admiration for your boss, Mr. Henry, trader extraordinaire. If he had a book on trading, I'd own it. Your intellectual purity, demanding that Mr. Epstein defend his every action before you, guaranteed that the Boy Wonder could do no wrong. After all, with your oversight, imprimatur, and decision analysis skills, what better situation could exist?
I mean, President and CEO, golly gee, wow, that really IS impressive, conjuring up the image of Mr. Spock playing three-dimensional chess. Of course, Spock only had to worry about pawns, knights, bishops, rooks, queens, and kings, six positions. And, the Red Sox worry about pitchers, catchers, DH, second and third base, and right field. Of course, I'm omitting shortstop, centerfield, and first base. And maybe left field. Is Manny out in left field? I mean, we know that the Sox aren't out in left field. Absolutely not, they've got it handled, it's just they've applied their 'cloaking device' to cleverly disguise their intent from their competitors. Brilliant! Kudos!

Running a baseball team is pretty tough. After all, you have stringent payroll constraints, limited revenues, problems generating ancillary cash flow (like Red Sox gear, DVD sales, broadcasting rights), and the restrictive covenants imposed by major league baseball such as drug enforcement.

And maintaining fan loyalty? Nearly impossible. Day-to-day almost nothing reminds me about the Sox. In the family room, there's only Wally and All-Star Wally, Wally's chair, the Fever Pitch DVD, Bill James' Whatever Happened to the Hall of Fame, Neyer-James Guide to Pitchers, The New Bill James, My Turn At Bat, and Total Baseball. Turn the corner and there's my Dirt Dogs hat, Red Sox winter hat, Red Sox caps, Nomar 5 hat, and move upstairs for a collection of Red Sox t-shirts and sweatshirts. Oh, and I forgot, just behind me is James' Win Shares, and that autographed Roger Clemens baseball.

Plus you have all the headaches inherent in an industry with a lot of competition. During the early baseball season, you have to go up against the NBA, famous for its fantastic team play, and the National Hockey League, which leaves everyone practically speechless.

Let's face it, when the Red Sox win, everyone in the area has a little more spring in their step, their food tastes better, and people are just happier. You said it yourself, “Clearly, this study demonstrates that the Red Sox winning is good for the health of western civilization.” I couldn't agree more. As Warren Buffett would say, "may you live until Berkshire Hathaway splits." Keep up the good work, and please pass the Kool-Aid.

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