The Red Sox are considering a new patch for their 2006 uniforms.
Not to be outdone by Abbott and Costello, the Sox are taking the 'Who's on First?' routine to the next level. Trade rumors fly like Icarus to the sun, and as Sox fans, we don't even know whom to ask, because no one's really in charge (except his LuccHoliness, of course).
Ok, Jason Varitek's going to be the catcher, and maybe Mirabelli's the backup, unless he's going to San Diego for Loretta or Dave Roberts or unnamed relief. In which case, Kelly (no-hit) Shoppach becomes the backup, unless he's gone in the Renteria to the Braves for Lugo via Tampa Bay and other fungible moving parts.
At first base, it won't be John Olerud who's retiring. It could be Troy Glaus, if he moves to first if Manny's not traded, or we don't get Aubrey Huff (are we trying to get an entirely left-handed hitting lineup?). J.T. Snow is rumored to be coming to Boston (Snow in Boston, haha, big laughs). And what about Lyle Overbay, he of the Milwaukees? He's got a Fenway swing and the Brewers want our extra pitching.
At second, we either have Dustin Pedroia, or Alex Cora (or is it Joey), or Graffanino resigns, or Loretta, or maybe Grudzielanek, and Orlando Hudson can be had for the right price, too.
Edgar Renteria's our man at shortstop, unless it's Lugo, or maybe Pedroia as a fallback position. Or maybe O-Cab is catching a ride back east in the Manny deal, which leaves us without a left fielder.
Mike Lowell has the default option at third base, and as far as we know it's not Bill Mueller's time any more. Will it ever be Kevin Youkilis' time? Maybe, as Lowell could be 'flipped', as in 'trading cards'.
Manny's still the left fielder, unless he gets dealt, particularly to the Angels, who give us Erstad, while Arizona sends Troy Glaus here. Of course, if Manny goes to Texas, then we get Soriano and his strikeouts and subpar defense, but speed and power, and growing salary.
In center, we have...nobody. If Furcal gets 39 million, then WWJDD (what would Johnny Damon Demand). Scott Boras won't even talk about a hometown discount, because Scott is Mr. Bottom Line. Good for you, Scott, you greedy buzzard. Of course, we could still get Dave Roberts back.
In right, we have, maybe Nixon, unless he's moving parts for Mark Redman. Isn't Redman like, a Twin castoff, who probably got guys out in the NL who he wouldn't face in the AL? Of course, if Nixon and Clement could bring Bobby Abreu, well, then 'pigs fly, too'.
For 'sure', we have Schilling (injury), Wakefield, Beckett (is he really healthy?), and Papelbon. Make new friends but keep the old. We don't know if Clement, Arroyo, Wells, or Miller are moving parts either. The Sox have Foulke, Mota, Timlin, Hansen, DelCarmen, and Bradford, among others to work out of the pen.
About all we know is that Roger Clemens won't be walking back in that door again, or Theo Epstein. Or will they? Who's in charge here, anyway?